My brother, Ray, and I both have ADD. Although we have many similar qualities, growing up there was one distinct difference between us.
I was fiercely independent, and he was overly dependent.
I was the leader in our childhood games. Ray was the follower. It was my way or no way, and Ray was just fine with that. (I get ragged on about this all the time. While dictatorship is no way to go, you'd think my family could appreciate my early leadership qualities!)
I always studied alone. "No, mom, I don't want you to quiz me for my spelling test!" Ray couldn't study without help.
I wanted to be left alone with my alarm in the morning. Yes, it might take me a while to get up, but nagging only made it worse. My mother was still calling Ray in college to make sure he got up on time.
Ray had a lot done for him growing up. My mom never seemed to get the fact that as long as she continued to do things for Ray, he would never learn to do them on his own. In fact, as he grew older, he often faked ignorance just to have laundry and other chores done for him. Being the independent soul that I was, this quality in Ray always annoyed the hell out of me.
Well...
This morning I got a stain on a good shirt, and found myself downstairs in the (apartment building) laundry room before I was really even awake.
After one washing cycle, the stain was still there. Okay, put it in again. After two washing cycles, the stain is still there.
I call Erin at work. "Er, I can't believe that I'm calling you about laundry, but what am I doing wrong?"
Spray-N-Wash. I forgot the Spray-N-Wash. Duh.
Now, here's the thing. When Erin first moved in, she wasn't allowed to do laundry. She had no idea what she was doing, and often put darks and whites in the same load! So laundry was quickly off-limits for her; it was my task.
Somewhere along the line, this flipped. Now Erin does the laundry every time. She learned the tricks, and I forgot everything.
Last week, Erin and I joked in our blogs about how she often acts as my Executive Functioning, and how great that is for me.
But today, I'm wondering...is that really a good thing all the time? I seem to have developed a learned helplessness about the laundry, even though I did it all my life with no problem. I've become like Ray!
Is "learned helplessness" the downside to focusing on your strengths and learning to delegate? Or is it a consequence that doesn't even matter?
What are your thoughts?
Posted by: |