Quick Tips for a Happy Thanksgiving (or Any Holiday)

Well, the holiday season is officially upon us! For those of us in the United States, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of what many adults with AD/HD think of as the most stressful time of year. Gifts, parties, crowds, family...ack! Stress!

If you're dreading Thanksgiving (or any holiday), then take a deep breath and don't fret. These quick tips will help keep you sane when things get crazy. 

QUICK TIP #1:
Know Your AD/HD and Plan To Manage Your Challenges

You know yourself better than anyone, so ask yourself "How does my AD/HD affect me on the holidays?" Make a list of all the things that tend to stress you out, and make a plan to deal with them.

For example, when you're gathering for the holiday dinner with family:

• Do you tend to say impulsive things that you later regret? Plan to take a deep breath before answering ANY questions so that you can think about your words before you speak them.


• Do hyper kids or too many people overwhelm you? Plan to excuse yourself and take a brief walk when things start feeling chaotic.


• Does a family member really make you mad when s/he starts nagging or becomes critical? Plan a simple response that won't fuel the fire, like "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'd rather talk about a great book I'm reading right now."


• Do you get antsy after a long day? Plan to end the day early, so that you don't reach the point of irritability.

I have to tell you, I run through my own personal "Thanksgiving AD/HD Management Plan" every single year on the drive over to my mom's house, and it makes all the difference!

QUICK TIP #2:
Don't Expect Perfection

Accept that the day won't be perfect. Nothing is! Whether you're hosting the holiday, staying with family, or patronizing a restaurant, realize that something is bound to go wrong. That's life. Don't hold it against yourself, or the people around you. Whatever it is that goes wrong, move on and let it go. Don't let one mistake or disappointment ruin the whole day.

QUICK TIP #3:
Have Realistic Expectations of Others

Remember that you're not the only one doing the best you can to keep it together and stay sane during the holidays! We all do the best we can with the skills, tools, and resources we have. Hurtful comments probably aren't intended that way, and neither are annoying actions. Don't hold it against friends and family members who may not have the necessary skills to express themselves effectively.

And whatever you do, don't expect people to be any different than they were last year! Most of the time, the people and things that bugged you last year will be there to bug you again this year. If your expectations are realistic, then those annoyances will be much easier to deal with.

What are YOUR biggest challenges during the holidays? What's your best tip for a Happy Thanksgiving? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

Comments

[Grammy Linda]

I have been a client for many years (you know me) and have got your newsletters for ages. Every year I get your Thanksgiving message and I think Did she write this just for me? Good advice, especially about family! I love my family but there is one daughter in law who I can bud heads with if I am not careful every year. She makes the best pumpkin pie, but she can be a pill! This is my reminder to keep it cool. Happy Thanksgiving, Coach!

[Dee]

I found that at any of these types of family gatherings, that the sexism inherent in the occasion to be unbearable. I had a "stay at home" sister whose star performance was on Christmas, cooking, baking, decorating and so forth. Meanwhile I was working full time and had two young children, yet people kept asking me whether I was baking or hosting the dinner. None of the men was asked the same questions. And when I had family over to my place in a fashion that I could manage, they were unhappy and preferred the elaborate preparations my sister offered, even though her husband paid for everything! I gave up trying and also I resented everyone's belief that the mommy at home was the epitome of womanhood. I was exhausted, worked hard, but somehow that didn't count for anything. It's like going to your husband's office Christmas party, and no one even asks if you have a job. You are just furniture to them. Why are women still pressured to put on these enormous eating fests?
Dee

[Cheryl DiLano]

My best tip for having a good holiday is to get where you are going early! Nothing stresses me out like holiday traffic so I make it a priority to leave as soon as possible for our drive up to MA. I prefer to get to sister's feeling relaxed and happy tonight than mad an short tempered!

I wonder if there are any studies on what traffic does to the ADD brain? It it one of the hardest things for me to handle.

@Dee, I think the question to ask is why you are putting that pressure on yourself. :^)

@Grammy Linda, There are one or two pills in my family too. Some might say I am one of them. :^)

[RyanHolloway]

I subscribe to many newsletters and ezines and received many Happy Thanksgiving messages from ADD professionals this week. Jennifer, your message was the one message that gave me practical advice for Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for many things in my life and I appreciate that other coaches and personalities are also thankful. But that doesn't change the fact that family gatherings are hard. We revert back to our old patterns and become young sons and brothers (or daughters and sisters) all over again. I push my sister's buttons, she pushes mine. My father will push both our buttons. My uncle will be inappropriate. My kids will be loud and hyper with their cousins. My ADD won't cause my to be stressed out and emotionally reactive but it won't help. My ADD will cause me to miss pieces of the conversation and annoy my wife with my fidgeting. It will be a day of good food and thanks with family I love but it will be a hard day. I appreciate that you know what it is like and you share advice rather than just telling us what you are thankful for. Thank you.

I also have a tip to share and it is this, take your meds! Last year I forgot to bring my afternoon dose of Ritalin and it made the day that much harder.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Ryan