Forget Your New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year! Although 2010 turned out to be a pretty good year for me, I've heard a lot of people say that they hope this year is better than last. If you're looking forward to a fresh start this year, then I have some very practical coaching advice for you today, and it's probably not what you expect.

If you’ve been reading the ADD Management Guide for a while, then you know that I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. You might be surprised to hear this from me, because I think my opinion differs from that of many other coaches. But as we settle into 2011, I encourage you to forget about New Year’s Resolutions.

Have you already committed to going to the gym 3 times a week? Or to getting rid of all your clutter, or to never being late again? Maybe you committed to losing 20, 30, or 40 pounds?

Forget it.

That's right, forget your New Year's Resolutions! They don't work. Generally, people are motivated to stick to their resolutions for 17 days before completely giving up. A drop in self-esteem always follows. You start telling yourself that it’s all your fault, you have no willpower, and you’ll never change.

Instead of making positive changes, you just end up beating yourself up. Again. It’s not worth it! So why bother? There's a better way.

Instead of locking yourself into strict guidelines that you’ll eventually want to rebel against anyway, what if you resolved to focus on making improvements in one specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.

When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in that one area all year long. There are no rigid rules to follow, and no dents in self-esteem when you make a mistake—just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements.

Taking it a step further, you can develop a simple question to use as your mantra throughout the year. This mantra will help you check in with yourself and ensure that you're focused on your theme.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about. Feel free to use one of these for yourself in the New Year, or use the examples to help you create your own theme!

Theme: The Year of Self-care
Goal: To focus on taking really good care of myself, no matter what.
Mantra: What do I need to do to take care of myself RIGHT NOW?

Theme: The Year of Time Management
Goal: To focus on improving my time management skills.
Mantra: What is the best use of my time RIGHT NOW?

Theme: The Year of Stress Management
Goal: To focus on managing stress and avoiding overwhelm.
Mantra: What do I need to do to relax and destress RIGHT NOW?

In all these examples, you're actually coaching yourself to remain focused on making improvements in the areas of your life where it will make the biggest difference. Asking yourself a very simple question allows you to build awareness and make good decisions that are in line with your goals. After a short while, your mantra becomes a way of life.

I've seen too many adults with ADD damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. If you don't want to be one of them this year, consider ditching your New Year’s Resolutions, and create a theme instead!

Would you like to share your theme for 2011? You can do so in the comments below!

Comments

[Marie M]

I love the theme idea. THE YEAR OF STRESS MANAGEMENT. That's exactly what I need! I have a very stressful job in finance and believe it or not my boss is constantly telling me to stop stressing. You would think that she wouldnt care but she says I do much better work when I don't stress. I also notice that my two assistants do better work and make many less mistakes when I am not stressed and yelling at them. I think sometimes I can ask myself that question and the answer will be as simple as I need a refill on my water or I need to eat lunch. Sometimes I can also call home and talk to my two year old son. It makes me feel better and more relaxed. I have my boss's permission to be less stressed at work and now I just need to commit to it for me!

[Cressy]

Jennifer, I've been waiting for this newsletter because in 2010 I used your idea of the theme. I printed The year of Self Care and put it up at my desk, where I work out of my home, and looked at it each and every day. The theme makes everything flexible to what a person is going through, which I love. This year of 2011 I'm going to work on the Year of Stress Management. Thank you for your wonderful newsletters throughout the year and I've purchased the last 2 ADD Conferences and listen to those who are looking for our abilities, not our shortcomings.
Thank-you and God Bless 2011. Cressy

[Melody]

I love this idea and I realize I have been doing this for the last couple years, just without a 'name' to it. :) Not the mantra, though, but I will add that this year. I think it's very powerful. Last year I focused on doing better w/ money management. This year I want to focus more on family unity and making time for my daughter. So I guess my mantra would be 'What can I do to show my love RIGHT NOW?'

[Roxane]

IN GENERAL I agree with your sentiments, however, this year I have a unique resolution. Our English teacher in grades 6-8 drummed vocabulary & grammar into out brains. Use different words daily; search for a replacement for the overused words. "You may not use the verb 'to be' today". Now that I'm 82, it can take me a little longer than usual to find the exact word I want to use to express myself. People are forever finishing my sentences for me, even those with whom I share my vocabulary goals.
I had fallen subject to their behavior. UGH ! My resolution:

"Since I like you & want to share conversations, I will demonstrate my respect by NOT FINISHING YOUR SENTENCES FOR YOU."
My brother-in-law's 1st comment, "That's going to be tough, Rox."

Each day I have ample opportunity to practice; & I'm happy with my progress. I find I'm enjoying those seconds, & relaxing. By 2012 I hope it's automatic.