How to Increase Your Self-worth

Okay, I admit it. I watched Oprah yesterday. I was home with the baby, she was sleeping, and I had nothing better to do. And I was curious to hear what her guest, Fergie (AKA Sarah, Duchess of York), had to say. 

Admitting that she had no self-worth, Fergie asked Susie Orman, "How does one get self-worth?" She honestly didn't know.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of adults with ADD can relate to Fergie in this regard. In fact, a client just recently asked this question in one of my coaching programs. Here's what I told him, and what I tell all my clients who struggle with self-worth.

Everyone is different. Everyone has c  ertain strengths and certain weaknesses. No one has it all. Differences make the world go 'round. Everyone's strengths contribute.

Focus on your strengths. Ackowledge and celebrate every success, big and small.Take pride in your accomplishments. That's the only way to grow your self-esteem.

Keep moving forward, and keep focusing on your self and your achievements. Do your best not to worry about what other people might think. What you think about you is all that matters.

Easier said than done, I know. Keep practicing. It works...and it gets easier.

Comments

[Brenda Speer]

I think in theory this is great advice. in reality, when one has a low self esteem it is very difficult to recognize your accomplishments much less celebrate them.. Good try but it has taken me years of therapy and meetings to recognize my self worth and I have set backs every day. I am 55 years old and a successful businesswoman.

[Tom]

Graduating this month with my Bachelor Degree!

[RUTH KANTOR]

2 years ago I started to make a book for my then 4 yr. old grandson, Thomas. It was simple, just a list of facts about him and what he could do. I'd hoped it would help him read. Then I had reduced access to him and his mother began to teach him to read. As he had his 6th birthday, I decided to finish it. I wrote the things he now does and added adjectives and adverbs. I'd drawn simple images of him doing his skills and finished these. I left it for him. Today I called his mom and asked,"Does he hate his book?" "He LOVES it,"she said. " He reads it all the time to Vera,(his 3yr. old sister). She loves the picture of him swimming!" Why is my good enough never GOOD ENOUGH for me?

[Dorothy Burnowski]

I know this does not sound like much but it is for me. I have been walking 5 nights a weeks with my husband. We both need to lose weight and I have finally convinced myself that it is not hopeless. I lost 2 lbs last week and I am proud. I feel that I have not had a weight loss in years.

[Adam Pate]

Well two of my strengths are that I'm quick with a joke, and have a knack for memorizing song lyrics.

[Michele]

I agree, 'self' worth can only really come when you stop comparing yourself to others, and let's face it, for someone like Fergie, with any degree of fame, being judged by the media and the public must be soul destroying esp when you 'fall from grace' so to speak. We can never love anyone else with any real power, until we love ourselves with at least as much force. And we need to learn to 'love' with no 'score keeping'. Expecting 'returns' and judging yourself by the balance of the 'love' bank someone else is investing in you, is also a hazard. It all comes from within. Of course, there is also the sage advice that before you do something, don't think about how it will affect others, but simply... can you live with yourself knowing you did it? Shame is a terribly crippling emotion. Self forgiveness probably has to come first. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we need to say "you know what, I messed up, and if I am faced with that choice again, I will do differently next time... but, I can't change the past, so that was a life lesson I obviously needed" and then let it go, and move on. People also need to start treating themselves like the best friend they have on this planet, instead of someone else. So many don't, and I can promise you, you will be there longer than any other living soul will be, so start getting 'loved up' with you. You are a spark of life, and as long as you are breathing, that in itself makes you divine!! I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 44, and knowing myself and forgiving all the things that had previously been labelled as 'bad' - has been a liberation. In fact, I am very proud of my ADHD 'label'. I'm different, not wrong. Heck, sorry, but perhaps it's the crazy way people are living, and that 'we' are trying to fit in to, (you know, that "overachieving and trying to do 48 hours of work in 24 hours and having to have more stuff than the next guy" society we have created) that is wrong!? Our ADHD brains are just actually smart enough to have gone "No, I don't think so". Remember, we take a pill to live in that world, not because our world isn't actually the better option, just not the most popular. My world wouldn't have cellphones where I am expected to be available 'right now' and wouldn't have so many deadlines, and I'd sleep at different times. And when I can create that world (which I am lucky enough to have the freedom to do at times for quite long periods) I function perfectly. And funnily enough, the self-love I found over the last few years, by doing most of the above, has left me with an enormous capacity to love others - something I probably had zero capability of before.

[Karen]

I lost my husband of 43 yrs in Nov 2010. I have been lost ever since. I took the first job offered, disaster. Multi-Multi tasking was required. I was transferred to the field as accomodation... driving, multiple patients. I quit, took a Hospice job and regretted my first day. When I interrupted my boss and she said "Don't cut me off" I apologized and said I am working on that, I have ADD. She replied, "If I had known that I wouldn't have hired your". Then corrected herself. I lasted with her verbal abuse for 5 days, then I quit. I decided to calm down and allow myself to continue grieving, if I don't get the next position I am interviewing for today. I will retire after 32 years of nursing. I am proud of sticking up for my self and not letting a younger, verbally abusive person try to hurt me because I am different. I am strong and will perservere....

[Kelly Cichocki]

I am in agreement with Brenda's blog that increasing self-esteem looks good in theory, but is incredibly difficult to do when it is already very low. I have been without a job for nearly a year, and opportunities for accomplishments are rare. My self-worth has never truly existed,like Fergie, and is difficult to find at age 51. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago (late bloomer). Any suggestions from those who understand? I'm game!

[Karen O'Brien]

Jen I also saw that Oprah show. I have a lot more sympathy for poor Fergie! I was so moved when her daughters talked about their "mum" and how much it hurt them that she was portrayed so negatively. I hope Fergie can forgive herself and learn to love herself. If anyone can help her it is Oprah!

My strength is being a good listener. That's what my best friends tell me! My success is finishing the Clutter and Time programs with you! I learned so much! But I never did find that dress! "Inside Joke!"

[Jennifer Koretsky]

Brenda and Kelly - I understand and I'm so sorry to hear about your difficulties. Here's another suggestion: Talk to the people you love and ask them WHAT THEY LOVE ABOUT YOU. Start there, and acknowledge those strengths that shine through to others.

Tom and Dorothy - Big congrats!

Ruth - What a wonderful gift for a grandma to give. OF COURSE he loved it!

Adam and Karen O. - Rock on!

Michele - Sounds like you're in a great place. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!

Karen - Way to stay strong and believe in yourself! And I'm very sorry for your loss. :-(

So great to hear from so many of you!

[Terry]

I find myself as always being a very humble man. For many years I thought that bringing attention to my accomplishments meant I was boasting and I would appear to be conceited, so I never wanted to stand out in the crowd. Such a debilitating feeling.

For me getting feedback from people close to me, people I trust, has been a way for me to understand myself; in what I feel inside, how accurate I preceive myself by what is perceived others. The strategy has been a life line of sorts.

Do I still suffer from low esteem, absolutely but by looking closer I realise I have developed a unique suvival strategy.

I even have a great tug of war with myself in wanting to market my creativity and compassion, although my self esteem gets in my way. I have even been told by many who know me well go for it, you are good at this, yet I still hold back. What I am refering to is marketing my photography and coaching practice.

Thank you for the opprtunity to express myself.