Let Me Tell You A Story About My Grumpy Facebook Friend!

 I don't know if you're on Facebook or not, but I want to share a Facebook story with you. (If you're on Facebook, you can find the ADD Mavericks Facebook page here. If you're not on Facebook, don't worry, you can still get something out of this story!)

I like Facebook, but one thing that drives me crazy about it is the volume of negative people. Can you relate?

I have way too many friends who use Facebook to complain. If you've been reading this newsletter for a while, or if you've read my book, then you know that I like to refer to these kinds of people as "BMWs" because all they do is "B*tch, Moan, and Whine"!

One particular friend from high school complains quite a lot on Facebook. No matter what's going on in her life, she only has negative things to report. One day, someone commented on her status that they were going to buy her a book on positive thinking. I giggled when a large number of people "liked" that comment. Clearly, we were all thinking the same thing!

People don't like BMWs. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap their energy. And, unfortunately, there are a lot of ADDers out there who fall into this category of grumps.

It's easy for an ADDer to become a grumpy BMW for many reasons. One reason is that the mainstream doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains and, when we feel so utterly different from those around us, it eats at our self-esteem. This is just one of the reasons that some people with AD/HD have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships.

But if you are a BMW, there is hope! Here are 3 practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude--even if you don't agree with them.

Give your self-esteem a boost by accepting the compliments that are paid to you. It will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

People view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who deem you high maintenance.

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to become more positive is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

Don't be like my Facebook friend from high school and turn off those around you by being a grumpy BMW. When you adopt a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Can you relate to my story about grumpy BMWs?
Tell me about it in the comments below!

Comments

[Kim]

Yeah, I can relate. I personally think that I'm a pretty positive person but can get that way because of past failures. They can really eat at you.