Readers like you often tell me that they enjoy getting a glimpse into my life as an adult with ADHD, and I'm happy to share with you when I have an interesting story to tell. And it just so happens that now is one of those times!
As you may have read, I gave birth to my daughter, Tigerlily, about 6 and a half months ago. (There's a recent picture of us over there on the right.) She's our first and, as any parent will tell you, parenthood surprises you even when you expect the unexpected. (Here's a very funny cartoon on the subject that pretty much sums us that sentiment. I'm warning you in advance that it's R-rated and it's your choice to click, so no complaints later, please! http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences4/kids)
Back to the point, having children is a major life change. And major life changes can totally disrupt a person's day-to-day life...especially when that person has ADHD. I've seen it happen many times with clients, friends, and family members. A big change, like a marriage, divorce, going away to school, moving, changing careers or, in my case, having a baby, brings all your ADHD challenges to the forefront.
In my particular case, I've been most disrupted by the lack of structure that I'm dealing with. My daughter has a fairly structured nighttime sleep habit, but naps are completely unpredictable. And that means that my day, when I'm home with her, is completely unpredictable. I might know that we have to go to the store, or that I need to make dinner, but I never know when that's going to happen. My plans have to be ultra-flexible.
This is all well and good, and certainly something that I'm getting used to, but it's not what I've been practicing for the last decade. I worked very hard to master the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADHD that I detail in my book, and now I'm learning them on a whole other level in all new situations.
It's not always easy. But this, my friends, is really what managing your ADHD is all about. You don't cure ADHD. You don't eliminate the challenges. You live with them. You learn to manage them. You build your skills in the areas where you're challenged, and hopefully you also enhance your skills in the areas where you shine. You go with the flow. And you continually work at it, even through the big life changes, because that's the only way to live successfully with ADHD.
That's what I've been doing these past 6 months, and that's what I'll continue to do. Some days are harder than others. But my daughter is worth it. She's worth it a hundred times over, and then some! :-)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Jen, First, darling picture. Your daughter is beautiful.
My challenge is the on June 24 I was informed that my job was being abolished. The last 8 weeks have been something else. Right away I was presented with a possible contract opportunity as well as an interview, so why get too involved in other things, right? Well, the consulting gig got pushed back and pushed back and ultimately fell through. So at the 6 week mark, I attended a job search networking group. So hey, there's Monday mornings... Actually, It has been nice being home with my boys, Actually, the 16 YO was working a lot, but I have gotten to spend a lot of one on one time with my 11 YO. We did take one day a week to do something cultural/touristy in our city. But he goes back to school next week. I know I need to map out a schedule to provide structure to my days. It is too easy to sit at the key board all day. But I still need to be flexible enough to accept interviews (please,please). I think I will also schedule out regular cleaning chores and maybe special projects. I need to schedule time to exercise and pray/meditate. I also need to watch my eating. I am a stress eater and so far I have not been noshing all day, every day, but I lost the weight loss momentum. I am doing OK with planning and cooking meals, but the 11 YO typically has football practice at 6 PM and the 16 yo arrives home from band practice at 6 PM.
It is definitely a work in progress.
Posted by: Maggie | Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 07:00 PM
Adorable baby! A few years ago, hubby, who had been out of work for several months, got a position in another state. Two weeks later, he left for the other side of the country, leaving me to pack up and sell the house, while maintaining the ranch. Then I moved into a tiny 800 sq ft cabin--with 99% of everything in storage. Once the barn was built, I lived in the 500 sq ft loft over the barn for 5 years. Now that the house is finally built, I'm trying to find everything that's been packed up, shuffled around, and oh, yeah, finish the inside of the house. Hubby's job only lasted 2 years....
Posted by: Kris | Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 07:27 PM
Adorable!
Ironically, having my daughter is what actually led me to being diagnosed with ADD in the first place. I had coped pretty well until then, but the added pressure of taking care of her and then her being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 18mo. old just completely overwhelmed me. Now I just try to 'recover' by setting routines and making sure I pay attention to the right things, like nutrition and exercise.
Posted by: Melody Bakeeff | Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 08:47 PM