Experiencing ADDvantages

Happy ADHD New Year!

Have you heard of ADHD New Year? Probably not, because I admit that I made it up! Let me explain...

The summer has unofficially ended and we're heading into fall. I've often referred to fall as "the ADHD New Year," because I find that many people get refocused on their goals this time of year, and renew their interest in learning how to better manage their ADHD.

While most people wait until January to set new goals and focus on positive change, most people with ADHD don't like to wait that long. As Labor Day comes and goes, we find ourselves looking for ways to get on track, and we begin thinking about self-improvement.

Can you relate? You may find yourself wanting to be more organized, or more structured. You may be thinking about how you can really shine at work. Or you might be focused on your kids and family, and how you can help them to succeed.

And thus, with a renewed interest in goals and self-improvement, this time of year feels like New Year's. Go with it, I say! If you're motivated to make positive changes in your life, ride that wave of motivation and take advantage of the energy you feel. And remember these simple guidelines, the 5 Essential Skills for Managing ADHD:

1. Break the Cycle of Overwhelm. Stress management = ADHD management. Take time to relax and slow down. Don't let stress build to the point of overwhelm. Take really good care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating nutritious foods, and exercising.

2. Work With Your ADHD. Don't waste time trying to be like everyone else. Know yourself well, and embrace your differences. Do what works for you, and don't worry about how others do or don't do things.

3. ADDjust Your Attitude. No one gets far in life by trying to turn weaknesses into strengths. Instead, focus on what you're already good at, and get even better. It will improve your self-esteem, and open up more opportunities.

4. Take Control of Your Space and Time. Plan everything in advance. Don't just figure out the steps you need to take to get organized, but figure out when you can actually do the steps. Don't just make a to-do list, but actually plan out your day. Trust yourself to make a plan, and trust yourself to follow through with it.

5. Live Out Loud. Think about what you want in your life, and what it will take to get there. Set goals that will make you happy. Remember that life is about so much more than your to-do list!

What are your goals for the "ADHD New Year"? What skills will you have to use or learn to reach those goals? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

ADHD Expert Interviews

In the Virtual AD/HD Conference Podcast Series, the top ADHD experts offer valuable information and tips on some of the most important and interesting topics in the world of ADHD.

Four interviews are currently available, and many more are scheduled between now and the start of the conference. You can subscribe on iTunes, or listen to the following audios online:

• Dr. Ari Tuckman on AD/HD and Executive Functions
• Dr. Roberto Olivardia on AD/HD, Weight, and Eating Disorders
• Dr. Stephanie Sarkis on AD/HD and College Success
• Coach Tara McGillicuddy on AD/HD, Procrastination, and Motivation

Listen online here --->  http://ADHDconference.com/podcasts.shtml

And do consider joining us for the main event! The 4th Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference takes place online from October 3-6. This is your opportunity to get the tools, resources, and connections that you and your loved ones need to succeed with AD/HD.

Best of all, this is an online event– there’s no travel required!

Find out more here --->  http://ADHDconference.com

Let Me Tell You A Story About My Grumpy Facebook Friend!

 I don't know if you're on Facebook or not, but I want to share a Facebook story with you. (If you're on Facebook, you can find the ADD Mavericks Facebook page here. If you're not on Facebook, don't worry, you can still get something out of this story!)

I like Facebook, but one thing that drives me crazy about it is the volume of negative people. Can you relate?

I have way too many friends who use Facebook to complain. If you've been reading this newsletter for a while, or if you've read my book, then you know that I like to refer to these kinds of people as "BMWs" because all they do is "B*tch, Moan, and Whine"!

One particular friend from high school complains quite a lot on Facebook. No matter what's going on in her life, she only has negative things to report. One day, someone commented on her status that they were going to buy her a book on positive thinking. I giggled when a large number of people "liked" that comment. Clearly, we were all thinking the same thing!

People don't like BMWs. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap their energy. And, unfortunately, there are a lot of ADDers out there who fall into this category of grumps.

It's easy for an ADDer to become a grumpy BMW for many reasons. One reason is that the mainstream doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains and, when we feel so utterly different from those around us, it eats at our self-esteem. This is just one of the reasons that some people with AD/HD have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships.

But if you are a BMW, there is hope! Here are 3 practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude--even if you don't agree with them.

Give your self-esteem a boost by accepting the compliments that are paid to you. It will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

People view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who deem you high maintenance.

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to become more positive is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

Don't be like my Facebook friend from high school and turn off those around you by being a grumpy BMW. When you adopt a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Can you relate to my story about grumpy BMWs?
Tell me about it in the comments below!

Is Your Glass Half Empty?

5 Tips for Practicing Positive Thinking as a Tool for Managing ADD

Are you a positive thinker, or a negative thinker? Unfortunately, it's really easy for an ADDer to get caught up in destructive negative thinking patterns.

ADD symptoms like overwhelm, difficulty with organization and time management, lack of focus, and the resulting frustrations often lead to negative thinking patterns. And when you're trapped in negative thinking patterns, it becomes even harder to manage your challenges and move forward in your life.

The good news is that it's absolutely possible to change those negative thinking patterns into positive thinking patterns! Practicing positive thinking allows you to focus on your strengths and accomplishments, which increases your happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows you to spend more time making progress and feeling good, and less time getting stuck and feeling down.

Here are my Top 5 Tips for Practicing Positive Thinking as a Tool for Managing ADD:

#5: Increase Your Social Activity
Give yourself permission to get out and have fun. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will rub off on you!

#4: Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into falsely believing that things are hopeless.

#3: Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in your life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

#2: Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
Fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that's causing you anxiety, look for the proof. Don't assume that your boss's bad mood has something to do with you or that your friends are secretly gossiping about you. It's a waste of time and energy to worry that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

And my #1 Tip for Practicing Positive Thinking is...
Take REALLY Good Care of Yourself!
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest. When your body feels good, your mind can't help but to feel good, too!

Is your glass half full, or half empty? Are you a positive thinker, or a negative thinker? Tell me about it in the comments below.


Did You Miss the AD/HD Medication Matters Summit? 

The AD/HD Medication Matters Summit live event is now over. However, due to popular demand...

YOU CAN STILL REGISTER to access and download the recorded presentations!

The Summit helped hundreds of adults and parents cut through the confusion and get the facts about the medications used to treat AD/HD. You'll:

1. Gain an overview of AD/HD and the brain

2. Learn how medications work in the brain

3. Receive a comprehensive review of the medications that are available to treat AD/HD

4. Grasp the difference between stimulant and nonstimulant, brand name and generic, and long and short acting medications

5. Recognize which symptoms and challenges can and can't be helped by AD/HD medications

6. Discover how to tell when you've got the right medication at the right dose

7. Uncover the common side effects of medications, and learn what you can do to avoid them

8. Assess the medications used to treat common coexisting conditions, like depression and anxiety

9. Find out if certain medications are better for women vs. men, kids vs. adults, and the inattentive vs. the hyperactive

10. Understand when it's NOT safe to take AD/HD medications

11. Evaluate some complementary treatments that you can use in conjunction with, or as an alternative to, medications

12. Determine what to do if you disagree with your doctor's treatment plan

13. Get your questions answered by a neuropsychiatrist who is an expert on AD/HD

You'll get 4 hours of structured information and strategies for less than the cost of 1 hour with your doctor!

Register to receive:

• Access to the playback of the live webinar presentations
• Recordings of the presentations - yours to download and keep!
• Presentation slides - yours to download and keep!
• Access to the members-only website in which you can connect with your peers, ask questions, share resources, and discuss your experiences

Visit the AD/HD Medication Matters Summit website to register or learn more!

Join Me on Facebook

Join the ADD Mavericks tribe on Facebook at http://www.Facebook.com/ADDmavericks and download a complimentary audio on how to "Unleash Your Inner Maverick"! See you there!

More on How to Increase Your Self-worth

I received some interesting comments to my recent newsletter on increasing your self-worth. I invited everyone to practice increasing your self-worth by sharing your strengths and/or recent accomplishments. It was fantastic to read so many celebrations of strengths and successes, and I invite you to participate if you haven't already!

There were also a couple of comments from people who are having a very difficult time building their self-esteem. These comments really struck me.

Brenda said:

I think in theory this is great advice. in reality, when one has a low self esteem it is very difficult to recognize your accomplishments much less celebrate them.. Good try but it has taken me years of therapy and meetings to recognize my self worth and I have set backs every day. I am 55 years old and a successful businesswoman.

And Kelly said:

I am in agreement with Brenda's blog that increasing self-esteem looks good in theory, but is incredibly difficult to do when it is already very low. I have been without a job for nearly a year, and opportunities for accomplishments are rare. My self-worth has never truly existed,like Fergie, and is difficult to find at age 51. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago (late bloomer). Any suggestions from those who understand? I'm game!

Sadly, I think Brenda and Kelly are not alone in their feelings. So here's a bit of advice for Brenda, Kelly, and anyone else who is struggling: if you don't know what you're good at, if you don't know what you've done in your life that's worth acknowledging and celebrating, then ask someone who loves you.

Ask many people who love you. Ask your spouse, your kids, your parents, your siblings, and your friends. And if you don't have many people who love you, then ask people whom you love or admire. What do you think I'm good at? What do you like about me? What do you think some of my greatest accomplishments are?

Trust the answers that you get. Acknowledge them and repeat them to yourself over and over until YOU believe them.

I guarantee you that you DO have strengths, and that you DO have achievements worth celebrating. It may take a little time to find them under all those negative feelings but, trust me, they are there.

 

How to Increase Your Self-worth

Okay, I admit it. I watched Oprah yesterday. I was home with the baby, she was sleeping, and I had nothing better to do. And I was curious to hear what her guest, Fergie (AKA Sarah, Duchess of York), had to say. 

Admitting that she had no self-worth, Fergie asked Susie Orman, "How does one get self-worth?" She honestly didn't know.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of adults with ADD can relate to Fergie in this regard. In fact, a client just recently asked this question in one of my coaching programs. Here's what I told him, and what I tell all my clients who struggle with self-worth.

Everyone is different. Everyone has c  ertain strengths and certain weaknesses. No one has it all. Differences make the world go 'round. Everyone's strengths contribute.

Focus on your strengths. Ackowledge and celebrate every success, big and small.Take pride in your accomplishments. That's the only way to grow your self-esteem.

Keep moving forward, and keep focusing on your self and your achievements. Do your best not to worry about what other people might think. What you think about you is all that matters.

Easier said than done, I know. Keep practicing. It works...and it gets easier.

ADDjust Your Attitude

Although I'm currently out on maternity leave, I've taken the time to prepare some newsletters for you while I'm away! I thought this would be a great time to review The 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD that I detail in my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD, and in my new Odd One Out Home Study Coaching Program.

 

ADD Management Skill #3: ADDjust Your Attitude

I hate to say it, but the vast majority of adults with ADD who I come across are in need of an attitude adjustment. That’s because many adults with ADD go through their lives as negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

We can understand why this happens, after everything we’ve talked about in the previous newsletters reviewing the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD. When you go through life feeling chronically overwhelmed and judging yourself for your differences, it makes sense that you might develop a bad attitude as a result. But that bad attitude has to change if you want to learn how to manage your ADD and move on with your life.

Adjusting your attitude involves two things:

1. Improving your self-esteem.
2. Developing a positive outlook on life.

Let’s start with self-esteem. Adults with ADD have a bad habit of focusing on what’s wrong. We focus on differences that we think are bad, we focus on challenges, we focus on mistakes, and we get wrapped up in them. We spend so much time focusing on the things we think we need to fix that there’s no time left over to work on developing the things that are already working!

No one ever gets ahead in life by focusing on their weaknesses. Think about it: the only way to get ahead in life is to focus on your strengths – your talents, your skills, your passions, the things you do well – and to get even better at them.

And if you waste all your time trying to get good at the things you’re not naturally good at, then there’s no time to really hone and polish the skills and strengths and talents that you do have. Instead, what happens is that you spend your time feeling bad about yourself. Because the only things you’re thinking about are the ways in which you feel like you don’t measure up. And that’s not good for anyone’s self-esteem.

The next piece of the attitude adjustment puzzle is about your outlook on life. For all the reasons we’ve talked about so far, it’s easy for an adult with ADD to become a negative thinker. Negative thinking WILL hold you back in life. You won’t see the opportunities that present themselves when you’re focused on the bad stuff. There are actually some simple and easy things you can take to adopt a more positive attitude immediately. In fact, self-care alone can help you be a more positive thinker!

When you’re stressed or worried, your breathing becomes shallow, your heart rate increases, and your muscles tense up. Your mind stresses your body. And it’s very hard to be positive when your body is tense and uptight! However, when you’re calm and relaxed, your breathing becomes deeper, your heart rate decreases, and your muscles relax. In this calm and relaxed state, it’s much easier to think clearly and see a more positive side to things. So you can become a more positive thinker just by virtue of relaxation and self-care alone!

The bottom line is that it’s much easier to manage your ADD when you have a healthy self-esteem and a positive outlook on life. And, in turn, life becomes much easier and more enjoyable.

Do you have a healthy self-esteem? Do you consider yourself a positive thinker? How could better self-esteem and a more positive attitude help move you forward in life? Please share your thoughts with other readers in the comments below!

 

How to Master the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD

Are you STILL struggling with chronic overwhelm, self-doubt, poor time management, and other ADD-related challenges?

Let me show you exactly how to master The 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD so that you can embrace your inner maverick and move forward in life!

If you’re like many of the adults with ADD that I hear from, then you’ve read my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick’s Guide to Adult ADD, and it really hit home with you.

You’d love to work with me one-on-one to dig into the concepts and strategies covered in the book but, unfortunately, private coaching isn’t an option for you right now.

Now there’s another option. I created a home study program that will coach you to:

• Embrace your inner maverick
• Break the cycle of chronic stress, overwhelm, and burnout
• Learn how to accept and work with your own ADD
• Focus on your strengths and think more positively
• Take control of your space, time, and tasks
• Give yourself permission to live out loud!

The Odd One Out Home Study Coaching Program allows me to be your personal ADD coach from afar, and it’s the next best thing to working with me privately. It features 3 audio CDs, an 85+ page workbook, and a goal setting action guide. I walk you through each chapter in the book and show you exactly what it takes to build and apply each of the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD.

Life with adult ADD really doesn’t have to be so hard. You’re not stuck living a life of stress and disappointment. I’ve coached hundreds of adults to embrace their inner maverick and live happy and successful lives. You can absolutely take control over your ADD and turn things around! And I can help you do it with the Odd One Out Home Study Coaching Program.

Retail Price: $197 + S&H $147 with FREE Shipping in the US and Canada Save $59.95!

This introductory price is available to the first 50 people who order the home study program. (Over half available at this price have already been sold.) Offer expires March 1, 2011, or when the first 50 orders are placed. Comes with a 90-day, 100% money-back guarantee!

Learn more here.

Forget Your New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year! Although 2010 turned out to be a pretty good year for me, I've heard a lot of people say that they hope this year is better than last. If you're looking forward to a fresh start this year, then I have some very practical coaching advice for you today, and it's probably not what you expect.

If you’ve been reading the ADD Management Guide for a while, then you know that I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions. You might be surprised to hear this from me, because I think my opinion differs from that of many other coaches. But as we settle into 2011, I encourage you to forget about New Year’s Resolutions.

Have you already committed to going to the gym 3 times a week? Or to getting rid of all your clutter, or to never being late again? Maybe you committed to losing 20, 30, or 40 pounds?

Forget it.

That's right, forget your New Year's Resolutions! They don't work. Generally, people are motivated to stick to their resolutions for 17 days before completely giving up. A drop in self-esteem always follows. You start telling yourself that it’s all your fault, you have no willpower, and you’ll never change.

Instead of making positive changes, you just end up beating yourself up. Again. It’s not worth it! So why bother? There's a better way.

Instead of locking yourself into strict guidelines that you’ll eventually want to rebel against anyway, what if you resolved to focus on making improvements in one specific area that's important to you? I'm talking about creating a theme for the New Year.

When you have a theme in mind for yourself, you can continually focus on making improvements in that one area all year long. There are no rigid rules to follow, and no dents in self-esteem when you make a mistake—just a general commitment to remain focused on making improvements.

Taking it a step further, you can develop a simple question to use as your mantra throughout the year. This mantra will help you check in with yourself and ensure that you're focused on your theme.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about. Feel free to use one of these for yourself in the New Year, or use the examples to help you create your own theme!

Theme: The Year of Self-care
Goal: To focus on taking really good care of myself, no matter what.
Mantra: What do I need to do to take care of myself RIGHT NOW?

Theme: The Year of Time Management
Goal: To focus on improving my time management skills.
Mantra: What is the best use of my time RIGHT NOW?

Theme: The Year of Stress Management
Goal: To focus on managing stress and avoiding overwhelm.
Mantra: What do I need to do to relax and destress RIGHT NOW?

In all these examples, you're actually coaching yourself to remain focused on making improvements in the areas of your life where it will make the biggest difference. Asking yourself a very simple question allows you to build awareness and make good decisions that are in line with your goals. After a short while, your mantra becomes a way of life.

I've seen too many adults with ADD damage their self-esteem by setting themselves up with unrealistic resolutions that they just couldn't follow through on. If you don't want to be one of them this year, consider ditching your New Year’s Resolutions, and create a theme instead!

Would you like to share your theme for 2011? You can do so in the comments below!

Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with ADD and AD/HD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

It’s understandable; life with ADD can have us feeling bad for being so “different” from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems. Mainstream advice doesn’t account for the unique wiring of ADD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we’ve failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.

As a result, many people with ADD grow up to be BMWs—people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with ADD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It’s also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person’s energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!

If you are a BMW, then don’t fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude—even if you don’t agree with them.

If you’re a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You’ll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like “This is the worst haircut I’ve ever had!”, then you’re essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down, especially in front of others.

People often view self-deprecation as “fishing for compliments” and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.

There’s a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It’s perfectly okay to say “I would have liked to have this project finished before the weekend, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time.” In contrast, a BMW might say something like “I’m such an idiot! Why does this always happen to me? No matter what I do I can never get it together!”

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you’re choosing to be a BMW.

Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You’ll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you’ll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you’ll feel better about yourself, too!

Do you need an attitude adjustment? If you think the answer might be yes, then I encourage you to consider joining us for the 3rd Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference in October. The challenges I mentioned above are quite common among adults with ADD, and will be covered in great detail at the conference.

Some of the sessions at this year's conference that can help you move beyond life as a BMW include:

• Change Your Perspective for Success with AD/HD with Patricia Quinn, MD

• Deepening Social Connections with Becca Colao, MA, SCAC

• Mindfulness-Based Interventions in AD/HD Care with Mark Bertin, MD

• The Power of the Pause: The Difference Between Reacting Impulsively and Responding Rationally with David Giwerc, MCC

You can check out the full conference agenda at http://www.adhdconference.com/agenda.shtml for detailed information on these sessions, and the others.

The Virtual AD/HD Conference is a huge, international event that allows you to interact with the experts in AD/HD, get your questions answered, connect with the community, and get the tools and resources that you and your family need to succeed. And the best part is that you don't have to leave home to do it!

My team and I spend 8 months out of the year working on this conference to make it a stellar experience for all involved. Won't you consider joining us?

Visit http://ADHDconference.com to register or learn more!

P.S. Are you a BMW? How will you apply the tips above to your life? Tell us about your experience in the comments below!

P.P.S. Don't forget to check out the 3rd Annual Virtual AD/HD Conference website at http://ADHDconference.com!

Is it Time to Explore the Shoulds in Your Life?

How many times a day do you find yourself using the word "should"? 

ADDers are full of "shoulds": I should do the dishes, I should clean out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend, etc. 

The word "should" can be very dangerous to an adult with ADD, because it often results in unnecessary guilt.

If you're carrying around a lot of guilt over the things that you tell yourself you should be doing, then it's time make a change. In order to break through this unnecessary guilt and to help you prioritize the things that are on your mind, try exploring your "shoulds" by asking yourself the following question:

Is this "should" a necessity, a desire, or guilt? 

Here are some examples:

1. I should do my taxes.

Necessity: If you don't do your taxes, you can find your finances slipping out of control. You can end up owing the government penalty fees. And you will absolutely have undue stress.  This "should" is a necessity.

2. I should buy that CD.

Desire: This is something that you want to make you happy. You like the music you hear, and therefore you want to own it. This "should" is a desire.

3. I should clean my house more often.

Guilt: If the "should" comes when you compare yourself to others, then guilt is probably involved. It often happens when we feel like we are not living up to the performance or expectations of others (or our perceived performance/expectations of others.) 

If you visit a friend's house and it’s neat and clean, you may falsely interpret this to mean that your friend cleans all the time. In reality, your friend may have spent hours cleaning her/his house before you arrived to make it look nice! 

If you are physically and mentally comfortable with the amount of time you spend cleaning your house, then cleaning more often is not a necessity and it's not a desire. It's merely a "should" that is nothing more than useless guilt!

Try this exercise for a whole day: Every time you find yourself using the word "should," ask yourself if it’s a necessity, desire, or guilt. I promise that you'll feel a lot better about all the things you think you "should" be doing!

What "shoulds" can you let go of in your own life? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!