Experiencing ADDvantages

Poll: Which Is Your Least Productive Work Day?

This poll is exclusively for adults with AD/HD.

Please tell us which day of the week you are the least productive, and then see how you compare to your peers! Feel free to comment about your answer, as well!

Facebook and Adult ADD: What's Your Take?

A few days ago, ADD coaching client Traci Montgomery was telling me how super-organized her ADD partner is when it comes to playing Facebook games. I commented that I've heard this quite a bit, and that I should write a blog post about AD/HD and Facebook.

In response, Traci sent me a list of titles that I could use for that post. It's a humorous exploration of the downside to that endless distraction we call 'Facebook,' and I couldn't resist sharing it!

With her permission, here is Traci's list:

• Two and a Half Degrees of Separation
• How to Farm Your Way to Divorce
• Why Facebook Should Require Medical Certification That You Do Not Have ADD
• How to Apply Your Facebook Organization to Real Life
• Why Not Go Outside and Plant Real Vegetables?
• Facebook: How To Reconnect with People You Didn’t Like 20 Years Ago
• Facebook: Quit Posting Your Every Thought to My Wall …
• I’m Busy Farming and Treasure Hunting
• Need to Keep Track of Your Farm(s), Treasure(s), and Yo Quest for Perfect Cookies? Ask an ADDer.
• Real World: Friend Request Denied: I Didn’t Want to Be Your Friend 20 Years Ago So Why Would I Want to Now?
• Facebook: How to Consolidate Your SPAM Onto a Wall
• My Significant Other is Having a Heart Attack … How Long Until 911 Accepts My Friend Request?
• ADD Friendly Ways To Stop Thinking For Yourself and Consolidate Your Friends’ Thoughts Into Your Own
• How to Use Facebook to Lose Custody of Those Pesky Kids
• What Do You Mean ADDers Aren’t Organized? Just Check Out Their Farms…
• This Week On Dateline: How Facebook Will Lead to the 2012 Apocalypse
• Tune In to http://www.facebook.com/Newspaper to See How PETA Plans to Protest the Inhumane Storage of Animals On Farmville
• Can I Be Arrested if my FooPet Starves To Death?

I marked my favorites in bold. And to that list I'll add:

• ADD Hyperfocus: Please Post about Something Other than Chicken Coops in Your Status Updates

What would you add to this list? Please leave a comment with your title suggestions. I'll compile them in a new post next week.

This should be fun!

By the way, I would link to Traci's Facebook page, but she's managed to avoid this distraction! Unlike me and my book.

ADD Organizing Q&A: Your Questions Answered!

Last week I put out the call on my blog, on Twitter, and on Facebook to send me your questions about decluttering and organizing. I don't do this very often, but I thought it would be fun in honor of the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup, which begins next week.

I picked four questions that I thought would be the most helpful for ADD Management Guide readers, and I'm answering them here.

So let's begin!

Question: Why is it that I can never get motivated to organize? Is this an ADD thing?
-k.t.

Answer: k.t., getting motivated to get organized certainly is a common problem among adults with ADD. Here’s my advice: before embarking upon any organizing project, ask yourself why you’re doing it. If you want to get organized because you’re really tired of the stress that results from being disorganized, then that’s a very good reason. If you want to get organized because you think you SHOULD be more neat and organized, then that’s NOT a good reason.

To be successful in our organizing endeavors, we’ve got to get in touch with WHY the task is important to us. Otherwise, organizing is just another boring chore…and who needs more of those?

Question: My husband really needs your clutter class, but he doesn’t think so. How can I convince him to take it?
-Linda

Answer: Linda, I greatly appreciate your recommending the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup to your husband. That said, DON’T try to convince him to take it! In my experience, adults with ADD need to find their own motivation for decluttering and getting organized. Your husband might experience some success, but without the proper motivation, it just won’t stick.

Perhaps instead of trying to convince him, you can just email him the web page. Let him make the decision about whether or not the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup is the right thing for him at this time. Otherwise he'll just find himself in the same position as k.t. in the question above!

Question: What is your secret for organizing paper? I am swimming in magazines, print outs, mail, paperwork, etc.
-Carl A.

Answer: Carl, I do have a secret for organizing paper: throw it out! Being overwhelmed with paper is one of the most common problems that we deal with in the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup. My best advice is to throw out everything you can. What are the chances that you’ll ever pick up that magazine again? What’s stopping you from getting rid of all that junk mail? Why are you printing out articles when you can so easily access them online?

The hardest thing about organizing paper is learning to let go of 90% of it, but that’s exactly what will set you free from it.

Question: I have decluttered my office more times than I can speak of and yet it always comes back. Why am I such a failure at this?
-Charles G.

Answer: Charles, you are NOT a failure! In fact, let me reframe this situation for you: You have SUCCESSFULLY decluttered your office many times. It sounds like the only thing lacking is a maintenance plan. I encourage clients in the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup to create structure for maintaining that success.

Once your office is successfully decluttered, try scheduling in a daily or weekly clean-up routine so that you can regularly address the problem before it builds.

Do You Have Questions About ADD-friendly Decluttering and Organizing?

If so, then considering joining us for the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup, which begins next week on Wednesday May 5th!

Register for the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup by this Wednesday April 28th (that's tomorrow!) and Save $20!

- OR -

Register for ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup along with the Time Management Masters Seminar (in June) by this Wednesday April 28th (that's tomorrow!) and Save a Total of $97!!

In the ADD Clutter Busters Workgroup, I'll walk you step-by-step through an ADD-friendly decluttering and organizing process.

In this Workgroup, you'll:

• Overcome the procrastination that you experience when you try to get organized


• Sort through all your stuff and get rid of the junk


• Create customized organizational systems that will work specifically for you


• Learn how to work with your ADD to ensure success


• Develop the structure you need to become organized


• Create a follow-through plan to keep the clutter from coming back

Not to mention that:

• You'll benefit from a highly structured, virtual coaching program that is designed to support you every step of the way in learning not just how to get rid of clutter, but how to keep it away for good!


• You can participate from anywhere in the world! Your workgroup includes:
  
  
  1. Three (3) Live Teleseminars. Join us live by phone from anywhere in the world.
  
  
  2. Teleseminar Recordings. Yours to download and keep. So whether or not you attend the live teleseminars, you'll always have the recordings for your continued reference.
  
  
  3. Notes and Worksheets. You can sit back, relax, and enjoy yourself during the teleseminars because I provide you with the notes and worksheets for each lesson.
  
  
  4. Members-only Website. Everything you need for this course can be found on the members-only website. This is also where you can connect with other participants, and get your questions answered between teleseminars.
  
  
• You'll be working right alongside other adults with ADD as they complete their own clutter busting goals. This means that you'll have lessons and coaching support from me, along with community support from your peers.

So if you're feeling good and you're ready to learn how to bust through your clutter, get yourself organized, and maintain your success, AND you want some extra help and guidance as you do it, then do join us!

ADD Clutter Busters 3-week Coaching Workgroup

$197 $177*

*Register before April 28 and save $20!

More info at http://addmanagement.com/coaching/clutterbusters.html

Anxiety and Recurring Dreams

Whenever my anxiety levels increase in waking life, my dreams become more stressful.

I have two recurring dream "themes." In one, I am about to graduate either high school or college, and I suddenly realize that I did not complete my math requirement. (Math was always my least favorite subject and the one I often struggled with.) I freak out in the dream, fearing that I won't graduate and hoping no one finds out about the problem. (In reality, I never in danger of not graduating.)

In the other recurring dream theme, I find myself going about my day-to-day life when I suddenly realize that I am missing a coaching appointment with a client. I freak out because I completely forgot my appointments and the client will be waiting for me. (In reality, I have accidentally missed only one appointment in five years.)

Erin's anxiety dreams are always about needing to leave somewhere and having no time to pack up all her things. College, childhood camp, or old home, she never has enough time to do everything she needs to and pack up all her stuff. (In reality, she's never been in a situation like this.)

It's probably safe to assume that my anxiety centers around the fear of forgetting important things, and Erin's anxiety is a fear of not getting things done.

While everyone is subject to periods of anxiety, it's not uncommon for adults to be diagnosed with anxiety and ADD as co-occuring conditions. And chances are that the more anxiety you experience in waking life, the more it shows up in your dreams!

Care to share on this topic?

Do you have recurring dream themes when you experience increased anxiety in day to day life? What happens in your dreams? What fear do you think the dreams represent?

Please leave your thoughts and experiences in the comments! I think this is a really interesting (and kinda fun) topic that may be helpful to talk about!

Adult ADD is an Explanation, Not an Excuse

I'd like to offer a big welcome to all the people visiting us from Ned Hallowell and Melissa Orlov's blog ADHD & Marriage! Thanks for stopping by. If you like what you read, you can subscribe here.

I recently wrote a popular post on Tough Love for Adults with ADD, in which I offered some practical advice for partners of adults with ADD: don't try to parent your ADDer. It's actually better to let your ADDer learn how to create the structure that works best for them. In response to the post, Pann wrote:

I love that you admit to using ADD as an excuse to be lazy.

I hate to call my spouse lazy, because he isn't - he is a super duper hard worker.

But there are times when I suspect his ADD is really useful to him as an excuse for procrastinating and being lazy.

I'm glad Pann posted this comment because it gives me the opportunity to clarify the post. She has pointed out that I didn't do the best job communicating my thoughts. I do not use ADD as an excuse to be lazy.

In fact, I don't know any successful adults who use ADD as an excuse. More often it is a spouse/partner, parent, teacher, coworker or other who labels the difficulty as "an excuse."

ADD is, however, an explanation. It's an explanation as to why certain seemingly simple life management tasks are so effing difficult for many adults. ADD is a neuro-biological condition that has very real effects, including difficulty creating structure, managing time, becoming and staying organized, focusing in boring situations, getting started on tasks (aka procrastination) and more.

And when an adult with ADD understands their difficulties, then action can be taken to work with the challenges rather than against them. This is not an easy feat, but one that can be undertaken successfully. And doing so might mean giving your partner permission to not take on the majority of the household responsibilities, thereby forcing you to create and keep the structure that works best for you. This was my example in Tough Love.

"Lazy" is a relative term. I'm lazy when it comes to cleaning the house and getting up in the morning. I'm not lazy when it comes to cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking care of my dogs, doing yard work, working in my business that I love, and many other examples. Erin, my partner, is lazy when it comes to many aspects of her work. She's not lazy when it comes to doing paperwork, cleaning the house, running errands, walking the dogs, and many other examples. I'd say it's a pretty good match. In fact, many couples with an ADD and non-ADD partner find that their skills and strengths are actually quite complimentary!

But labeling a person as "lazy" doesn't help the situation. Adults with ADD have spent a lifetime being told that they're lazy and don't apply themselves. After a while, it's easy to believe the criticism. It's easy to give up and declare "They're right! I'm just lazy and I'll never change." It's much better for the non-ADD spouse to lead by example, and help your ADDer create the structure that they need without taking over for them.

Of course, there are adults with ADD out there whose self-esteem is so low that they do use excuses. There are also adults who are in "victim mode" and could probably use a good therapist to help them turn that around. But a great number of us don't use ADD as an excuse, just as an explanation.

To be clear, this is not a beat-up-on-Pann post. :-) Or any other spouses/partner, for that matter! Pann expressed genuine frustration with her husband's challenges, as do many people who are married to an ADDer. (And Pann's husband even vouches for her good will in the comments below!) As we all know, marriage is hard work no matter what. Adding ADD to the mix can increase the difficulty.

There are  plenty of times when I feel for Erin because I know that my  ADD sometimes complicates her life, like those last-minute trips to the store in which the sales people curse us under their breath for coming in 5 minutes before closing. But there are also times when she complicates my life, like when she insists on planning our vacation activities in excruciating detail.

We love each other, and we annoy each other...because that's what married people do.

You can read more of my thoughts on ADD and relationships here. Erin, my partner, writes a humorous blog called So I Married an ADDer that many ADDers and spouses get a chuckle out of. I hope you'll check it out. And, once again, if you'd like to subscribe to this blog you can do so here.

Thoughts on this post? Adults with ADD and their non-ADD spouses and partners are welcome to discuss!

Updating Our Blogroll

We're updating our blogroll as a service to our readers.  if you write a blog for or about adults with ADD, then please leave a comment with your site!

What Do You Think?

Keep the new blog style, or go back to the old?  Please post your comments and let me know!

ADD in Action

Last week, I watched a show on CourtTV about Human Behavior Experiments. Although I never pursued a degree in psych, I did take a couple of classes, and I'm absolutely fascinated by this stuff.

The show looked at a number of current "criminal" events (like the Abu Ghraib scandal) and attempted to explain the participants' criminal actions in terms of some well-known psychology experiments from the 60s and 70s.

One such experiment was inspired by the murder of Kitty Genovese in 1964. She was murdered in New York City as at least 38 people watched from their windows -- and did nothing. Later social psych experiments proved that when people are in a group, they feel less responsibility in an emergency situation and therefore are less likely to take action. Strange, and sad, but true.

I have often wondered...in a situation like this, would I be any different? Would I take action?

One of the great qualities that ADDers possess is that we are really good in emergencies. That's why many of us can be found as doctors and nurses in Emergency Rooms.

Personally, I have always been pretty good in emergencies. I have a quick response time (and for some reason, my queasiness goes away in medical emergencies.) In fact, until I learned that ADDers tend to jump into action quickly while most people tend to freeze up in emergencies, I used to get really annoyed at friends and family that didn't also spring into action when the situation called for it.

I wonder...are we the select few who would have called 911 as Kitty Genovese was being murdered? Or are we just like everyone else in these situations, feeling that our responsibility is not as great simply because there are more people around?

I wish I had a personal experience that I could call upon, but I don't. Do you??

I would really like to know...have you even been in an emergency situation in which there were many people around and you did - or didn't - jump into action?

Please do share your story. As I mentioned before, I am personally fascinated by this stuff!

A Few of My FavorADD Things

Remote controls that allow you to program your favorite channels for easy surfing during commercials

Dishwashers (they're like magic to me)

Finding money in random pockets and being completely surprised

Cell phone video games

What are a few of your favorADD things?

Learned Helplessness

My brother, Ray, and I both have ADD.  Although we have many similar qualities, growing up there was one distinct difference between us.

I was fiercely independent, and he was overly dependent.

I was the leader in our childhood games.  Ray was the follower.  It was my way or no way, and Ray was just fine with that.  (I get ragged on about this all the time.  While dictatorship is no way to go, you'd think my family could appreciate my early leadership qualities!)

I always studied alone.  "No, mom, I don't want you to quiz me for my spelling test!"  Ray couldn't study without help.

I wanted to be left alone with my alarm in the morning.  Yes, it might take me a while to get up, but nagging only made it worse.  My mother was still calling Ray in college to make sure he got up on time.

Ray had a lot done for him growing up.  My mom never seemed to get the fact that as long as she continued to do things for Ray, he would never learn to do them on his own.  In fact, as he grew older, he often faked ignorance just to have laundry and other chores done for him.  Being the independent soul that I was, this quality in Ray always annoyed the hell out of me.

Well...

This morning I got a stain on a good shirt, and found myself downstairs in the (apartment building) laundry room before I was really even awake. 

After one washing cycle, the stain was still there.  Okay, put it in again.  After two washing cycles, the stain is still there.

I call Erin at work.  "Er, I can't believe that I'm calling you about laundry, but what am I doing wrong?" 

Spray-N-Wash.  I forgot the Spray-N-Wash.  Duh.

Now, here's the thing.  When Erin first moved in, she wasn't allowed to do laundry.  She had no idea what she was doing, and often put darks and whites in the same load!  So laundry was quickly off-limits for her; it was my task.

Somewhere along the line, this flipped.  Now Erin does the laundry every time.  She learned the tricks, and I forgot everything.

Last week, Erin and I joked in our blogs about how she often acts as my Executive Functioning, and how great that is for me.

But today, I'm wondering...is that really a good thing all the time?  I seem to have developed a learned helplessness about the laundry, even though I did it all my life with no problem.  I've become like Ray!

Is "learned helplessness" the downside to focusing on your strengths and learning to delegate?  Or is it a consequence that doesn't even matter?

What are your thoughts?