Experiencing ADDvantages

A Personal Story – Major ADHD Challenges!

Readers like you often tell me that they enjoy getting a glimpse into my life as an adult with ADHD, and I'm happy to share with you when I have an interesting story to tell. And it just so happens that now is one of those times!

As you may have read, I gave birth to my daughter, Tigerlily, about 6 and a half months ago. (There's a recent picture of us over there on the right.) She's our first and, as any parent will tell you, parenthood surprises you even when you expect the unexpected. (Here's a very funny cartoon on the subject that pretty much sums us that sentiment. I'm warning you in advance that it's R-rated and it's your choice to click, so no complaints later, please! http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences4/kids)

Back to the point, having children is a major life change. And major life changes can totally disrupt a person's day-to-day life...especially when that person has ADHD. I've seen it happen many times with clients, friends, and family members. A big change, like a marriage, divorce, going away to school, moving, changing careers or, in my case, having a baby, brings all your ADHD challenges to the forefront.

In my particular case, I've been most disrupted by the lack of structure that I'm dealing with. My daughter has a fairly structured nighttime sleep habit, but naps are completely unpredictable. And that means that my day, when I'm home with her, is completely unpredictable. I might know that we have to go to the store, or that I need to make dinner, but I never know when that's going to happen. My plans have to be ultra-flexible.

This is all well and good, and certainly something that I'm getting used to, but it's not what I've been practicing for the last decade. I worked very hard to master the 5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADHD that I detail in my book, and now I'm learning them on a whole other level in all new situations.

It's not always easy. But this, my friends, is really what managing your ADHD is all about. You don't cure ADHD. You don't eliminate the challenges. You live with them. You learn to manage them. You build your skills in the areas where you're challenged, and hopefully you also enhance your skills in the areas where you shine. You go with the flow. And you continually work at it, even through the big life changes, because that's the only way to live successfully with ADHD.

That's what I've been doing these past 6 months, and that's what I'll continue to do. Some days are harder than others. But my daughter is worth it. She's worth it a hundred times over, and then some! :-)

How about you? Has a major life change ever sent your ADHD into overdrive? How did you deal with it? Tell us about it in the comments below!

ADHD and Hopelessness on ADHD Support Talk Radio

Last week I had the pleasure of being a guest on ADHD Support Talk Radio. The topic was “ADHD and Hopelessness". I think that host Tara McGillicuddy and I had a great talk on the subject and gave some very useful information!

You can listen to the episode here, and do let me know what you think!

ADD-friendly Recipes: Quinoa Salad

Beginning today I'm going to start adding some new content to the blog in the form of ADD-friendly recipes. I love to cook, and I have a, um..."unique"...way of cooking due to my ADD that I think readers will relate to and appreciate. So I'm taking a cue from my friend Jeff The ADD Chef and sharing some of my recipes!

It's worth noting that I can't follow a recipe to save my life. I use them more as inspiration, which is how I'm offering these recipes to you.

I'm starting with this quinoa salad that I made for lunch over the weekend. Quinoa is considered a grain, and it's a fantastic alternative to rice if you're looking for a little variety. High in protein and other nutrients like iron, quiona is mild in flavor and fun to eat because it offers a small pop when you bite it! And because it's light, it's a great food for the warm weather.

Quinoa Salad: A Healthy, Prepared-in-Advance, Summer Lunch

Servings: 4-6, depending on how hungry you are!

Prep time: Um... I didn't time it! Less than 1 hour. (Unless you're entertaining a 4 month old baby while cooking. Then it might take just a little longer.)

Ingredients:

• 2 cups uncooked quinoa
• 4 cups chicken stock or broth (optional)
• 1 small onion
• 2-3 carrots
• 1 small red bell pepper
• 1 small zucchini
• 1 or 2 garlic cloves (or more if you're a garlic feind, like me)
• splash of olive oil
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Cook quinoa according to package instructions. (You cook it just like rice. And, just like rice, use chicken stock or broth instead of water for extra flavor and nutrition!)
2. While the quinoa is cooking, dice up the vegetables and saute in the olive oil with salt and pepper. Saute for about 10 minutes, until the onions are translucent. Cook for more time if you like soft veggies, less time if you like crunchy veggies.
3. Combine the quinoa and vegetables.
4. Refrigerate in individual servings for quick and easy summer lunches!

NOTE: Do not try to garnish this dish with bell pepper strips, like I did, because it looks ridiculous.

Reasons this recipe is ADD-friendly:

1. It's easy to cook grains, and it's easy to saute vegetables.
2. You have a lot of freedom with the veggies. Use whatever veggies you like, and there's no need to measure them!
3. If you want extra protein, throw in some diced chicken or tofu.
4. This is an easy lunch that you can grab out of the fridge in the morning and take to work. Or you can eat it as a snack, or a side dish.
5. It's healthy!!

What do you think? Would you like to see more ADD-friendly recipes?

Summer Barbecues The ADD Way

Yesterday we had my family over for a barbecue which quickly turned into Memorial Day Mayhem. My mom and brother are both ADD, although my mother will deny it. They both also "idle" a bit higher than I do, constantly talking (loudly), moving, and changing subjects, and there's a tendency for things to get chaotic rather quickly. 

Although these family get togethers prime my ADD challenges, there's something that's even harder for me to manage: my grill.

I mean, I actually like cooking but, let's face it, grilling is a whole other animal. When you're serving the usual barbecue fare, it's all about timing. I stressed myself silly trying to time everything perfectly. Like: 

• Potato slices for the grilled potato salad. This was probably the easiest of all he grilled items because I could cook all the potatoes first, toss them in the dressing, and still serve the potato salad warm, as it's supposed to be served.

• Chicken skewers. Here's where things start to get tricky. You have to be careful to keep them on the edge of the grill so as not to burn the skewers, and you have to judge when, exactly, to turn them over. (Incidentally, these chicken skewers were the hit of the party. My marinade was inspired by this recipe. I say 'inspired by' because I can't follow a recipe to save my life.)

• Corn on the cob. Not only does it take a while to cook, but takes up a lot of space on the grates!

• Hot dogs. Easy, right? Wrong! These buggers cook too fast.

• Hot dog buns.  My urban uncle had been "dreaming of a well done hot dog on a lightly grilled bun." Okay...so add buns to the mix. More little buggers that cook too fast and burn too easily!

• Classic burgers. Again, not only do they take a little longer to cook, but everyone has a preference. This person wants one well done, this person wants medium rare. And then I totally forgot the cheese.

Aaaahhhhhhh! What a nightmare.

I stupidly put undue pressure on myself by trying to time the cooking so that everything would be hot and ready at the same time. Then my ultra-ADD mother, of all people, suggested that it wasn't necessary. Especially at a barbecue, no one expects to fill their plate and be done. People like to graze and enjoy a hot dog here and a burger there. Finally, I was able to put myself in check and relax a little.

This was a prime example of my own tendency to slip into a state of frantic energy. I was so busy trying to meet the unrelatic expectations I placed on myself that I didn't even realize how stressed out I had become.

In the end, who really cares about what food is ready when? People like summer barbecues because they're fun and relaxing, not because they expect gourmet meals. I'll remember that next time.

Or maybe I'll just go to someone else's house for a barbecue. Yeah, I think I like that option better.

 

How I Survived Pregnancy Without AD/HD Medication

About three and a half months ago, I gave birth to my daughter, Tigerlily. In preparation for my pregnancy (and under my doctor's care), I took myself off Concerta, which I was taking for AD/HD. Since giving birth, I've had a number of readers inquire about my experience and ask just how I managed to manage my AD/HD without medication! Here's my story.

First off, let me just say that it's absolutely possible to live successfully without medication. Lots of people do it. However, there are also lots of people who would never want to be without medication, because the help that it provides is just priceless. I fall somewhere in the middle.

I was diagnosed with AD/HD in my mid-20s. I resisted medication at first before eventually "caving in" and trying it. It took quite a long time for me to find the medication that worked well for me but, once I did, the difference was astounding. Life became much easier. I was able to focus and block out distractions for longer periods of time, I had an easier time transitioning from task to task, and I was able to slow down long enough to plan my day, among other things.

However, there's a popular saying among AD/HD coaches: "Pills don't build skills." Medication is not a magic bullet that will change everything. In my case, and in many other cases, medication acted like a set of training wheels on a bicycle. My medication gave me the added support that I needed when I was first learning about my AD/HD and building my AD/HD management skills.

In addition to taking medication, I was in therapy to better understand myself and to increase my personal awareness. After being in therapy for many years, I sought out support groups to learn all that I could about my AD/HD. I also did a lot of research and read a ton of books. When I found out about AD/HD coaching, I decided to work with a coach. And when I felt like I really had my stuff together, I began training to become a coach myself.

I worked hard to build my AD/HD management skills, and I've been supporting other adults in doing the same for about 10 years now. So it really wasn't such a big deal when I stopped taking AD/HD medication. I rely on the "5 Essential Skills for Managing Adult ADD" that I discuss in my book, Odd One Out: The Maverick's Guide to Adult ADD. Practicing those skills on a daily basis is one of my highest priorities.

I'm still off medication right now, as I'm breastfeeding my daughter. Some days are more difficult than others, and sometimes I wish I could put those training wheels back on by taking a pill, but it's not an option. So I focus on my AD/HD management skills, and I do the best I can. At this point in my life, it's really not that bad! But it did take a lot of work to get here.

Do you take medication for your AD/HD? Why or why not? Tell me about it in the comments below!

 

 If you're not quite at a point in your life where you're ready to go without medication, or if you're just beginning to think about taking AD/HD medication, then you may be interested in joining us for the AD/HD Medication Matters Online Summit.

The AD/HD Medication Matters Summit is a live, online event that is designed to help you cut through the confusion and get the facts about AD/HD and medication.
 
Prominent neuropsychiatrist Theresa Cerulli, MD will be joining me in this online summit to teach you everything you need to know about AD/HD and medications. Over the course of 2 evenings, you'll:

1. Gain an overview of AD/HD and the brain

2. Learn how medications work in the brain

3. Receive a comprehensive review of the medications that are available to treat AD/HD

4. Grasp the difference between stimulant and nonstimulant, brand name and generic, and long and short acting medications

5. Recognize which symptoms and challenges can and can't be helped by AD/HD medications

6. Discover how to tell when you've got the right medication at the right dose

7. Uncover the common side effects of medications, and learn what you can do to avoid them

8. Assess the medications used to treat common coexisting conditions, like depression and anxiety

9. Find out if certain medications are better for women vs. men, kids vs. adults, and the inattentive vs. the hyperactive

10. Understand when it's NOT safe to take AD/HD medications

11. Evaluate some complimentary treatments that you can use in conjunction with, or as an alternative to, medications

12. Determine what to do if you disagree with your doctor's treatment plan

13. Get your questions answered by a neuropsychiatrist who is an expert on AD/HD

The AD/HD Medication Matters Summit takes place online and in the comfort of your own home or office. Join us on June 14 & 15 (Tuesday and Wednesday) from 7-9pm EDT. Don't worry if you can't attend live, because the presentation will be recorded.  

Register for the AD/HD Medication Matters Summit to receive:

* Access to the live webinar presentations (2 evenings, June 14 & 15)
* Recordings of the presentations - yours to download and keep!
* Presentation slides - yours to download and keep!
* Access to the members-only website in which you can connect with your peers, ask questions, share resources, and discuss your experiences

 

Take Advantage of the Early Bird Discount and Save $50
*** Must Register by this Saturday, May 21st ***

Sign up before May 21st and pay just $77 for everything included above. That's a full 4 hours of useful information and practical strategies for less than the cost of a 1-hour doctor visit!

Register at the AD/HD Medication Matters Summit website.

 

P.S. There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to medication and your AD/HD. Whether or not you take medication is a personal decision that you have to make with the help of your doctor. Having a thorough understanding of your options can help you make the best decision for yourself or your child. That's what the AD/HD Medication Matters Summit is all about!

Announcing the Birth of Tigerlily Kate Korey!

I’m thrilled to announce that Tigerlily Kate Korey was born on Sunday January 30 at 5:43am. She weighed 6lbs, 9oz, and was 19 inches long. She’s now 13 days old and doing fantastic!

I’m doing pretty well at this point, as is Erin, and the two of us could not be happier or more in love with our little Tigerlily!

Thank you all for your love and support!

    

A Personal Update from Jen: ADD in the Womb?

 
As you've probably heard by now, Erin and I are expecting! In fact, my due date is February 1, which is just 3 short weeks away.

Technically, however, a baby can be born anywhere from 37 to 42 weeks and still be considered "on time." (Five weeks! Now is that an ADD-friendly time frame, or what?) That means that she could come anywhere between yesterday and February 14, which is quite a window.

Now, I'll be honest with you. I've been a miserable pregnant woman for many months. (Which is why I haven't been blogging, Facebooking, and Twittering as much.) I put off getting pregnant until I was 100% ready to be a parent, and I planned on enjoying every moment of pregnancy. But I suffered a back injury in June, and pain and insomnia have plagued me since then. It's been rough. I am so ready to have this baby, and I'm really hoping that she comes early.

I've spent a lot of time recently speculating on just when this baby will make her arrival, and I've been wondering if she'll be anything like me in her timing. Since all signs point to ADD being genetic, there's a very good chance that this kid will have ADD, just like me.

And if she is a little ADD fetus then, the way I see it, her birth will be timed according to one of the following scenarios:

1. She comes early. Like me, she can't stay in one place for too long without getting terribly bored. The womb is getting old, and she's ready to bust out and leave the party early. (Fingers crossed!)
2. She comes a little late, just past her due date. In true ADD fashion, she has every intention of leaving early, but keeps getting caught up doing "one more thing" before leaving. You know, maybe she's going to miss her friend the placenta and spends some extra time saying good-bye. And then, as she's finally about to make her exit, she looks around and thinks that maybe she should straighten the place up a bit before she goes. Perhaps she wants to double check that her umbilical cord is exactly where it needs to be. And then check again. If she had keys or a cell phone in there, she'd definitely have to spend time looking for them. And even with all her good intentions of leaving early, she still ends up arriving a little late.
3. She comes whenever the hell she feels like it. No plan. She's in her own world, doing her own thing, completely oblivious. She comes when she comes, and even she doesn't know just when that will be.

I think most OBs, midwives, and moms would agree that the third scenario is the best bet. Still, I'm holding out for the first one. Let's get this show on the road, baby!

Keep checking back here for updates and a birth announcement, or join me on Facebook, where the news will likely be posted first. In the meantime, good vibes for a quick labor and early birth are much appreciated!

 

Why I Could Never Be a Gold Digger (AD/HD and Boredom)

I've never been shy about admitting that I'm a reality show junkie. I have been ever since the very first season of The Real World on MTV. Many years later, the cable channel Bravo has taken over as the reality show leader, with gems like Top Chef, The Real Housewives, and--one of my favorites--The Millionaire Matchmaker.

The Millionaire Matchmaker centers around Patti Stanger, who founded "The Millionaire's Club." You probably heard about this type of business long before the show premiered. Patti sets up rich, ugly guys with zero personality with hot, young chicks. (Occasionally there's a millionairess who is, ahem, "looking for love," but it's mostly skeezy guys.) Cutting through the bullshit, the men want trophy wives/girlfriends, and the women want sugar daddies.

I recently got a taste of this firsthand when spending time with a family friend, who is one of those hot, young chicks, and her sugar daddy. I couldn't help observing that being one of those trophy partners is a job in and of itself. While the sugar daddies have the easy job of spending lots of money, the trophies have a much harder job: they have to feign interest.

Now I'm no young hottie, and I'd never be accepted into Patti Stanger's club. But watching these two interact, I realized that I could never be a gold digger for one, overwhelming reason: I'd be really fucking bored.

As you know, I have AD/HD, and if you're reading this post then you probably have AD/HD, too. So think about this with me: how hard would it be to keep a sugar daddy or sugar momma?

1. You have to pretend to be interested in what they have to say. Really, I think it's safe to say that they're all narcissists who just loooooove to talk about themselves. Have you ever gotten cornered at the office or at a party by someone who just wanted to go on and on about themselves, when you could care less? I used to be polite and just stand there pretending to listen while my mind drifted elsewhere. But the older I get, the less willing I am to suffer fools.
2. You have to sit through long, lingering meals. I love good food. But I'm a pain in the ass at slow-paced restaurants. Don't get me wrong, I actually really appreciate the slow-food movement, and the best restaurants really do embrace that culture. But I still get antsy. I don't like to sit anywhere for too long. You could take me to the most expensive restaurant in Paris and I guarantee that, at some point, I will cut you off mid-sentence to say, "Where the hell is the fooooood?!?"
3. You have to attend social functions with even more boring sugar daddies. Sure, I'd probably use the opportunity to share gold-digging tips with other trophies, and that would be interesting for a little while. But I don't dare go to a movie that lasts longer than two hours. I can't even imagine having to stand around being quiet and looking pretty while listening to all those narcissists go on and on about themselves and their money until the early morning hours. I think I'd actually rather sit through a ridiculously long James Cameron movie.
4. And, probably the most difficult part of all, you have to have sex with them. I'll leave this one to your imagination. But if you think dinners and social functions are boring, just imagine what a boring nightmare sex would be.

It all comes down to this: Boredom is torture to my AD/HD brain, and I'd rather be poor and occupied than rich and bored. But maybe it speaks to my credit that I'd make a lousy gold digger.

 

ADD Maverick Minute: Time Management - Go With The Flow (rated PG-13!)

NOW is the Time to Prevent SAD!

If you know me well, then you no doubt know that my favorite season is spring. Come April, I'm as happy as can be! The weather warms up, there's lots of sun, and things are alive and growing. Even if it rains, the birds still chirp and the worms still come out.

I admit that I've never understood people who name fall as their favorite season! It's mostly cool, gray, and things are dying all around. Those pretty red and orange leaves are really just dying leaves. I find it rather depressing!

By the time winter hits, I get hit with the blues. October is fairly pleasant, November is cold and dark, December is saved by the holiday festivities, and then January is just plain awful! By February, I'm freezing, miserable, and have very little motivation. March is usually no better, because despite the promises of March going "out like a lamb," it rarely does. Jeez, I'm depressing myself just thinking about it!

In my many years of coaching adults with ADD, I've learned that I'm not alone in dreading the winter, and the winter blues. A psychiatrist once told me that the majority of adults with ADD that she sees suffer from the winter blues, and a significant number suffer from full-blown Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. While I've never been diagnosed with SAD, I'm definitely affected by the seasons, and I definitely suffer from mild depression, lack of motivation, and low energy during the winter.

How about you? Are you feeling a little down with the turn of the seasons and starting to dread the coming winter?

Last year, I finally (after years of recommendations) decided to try light therapy, and bought a lightbox. I was told to start using it in October, when natural light begins its noticeable decline. I held out hope that using the lightbox would somehow make the winter more bearable. And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised when it did!

I worried last year that I would forget to use my lightbox, or that I wouldn't be able to find the time to fit it into my day. This year, I know from experience that making time for the lightbox is no big deal. I work it into my morning routine rather easily by allowing it to shine on me while I'm having my morning coffee. If that didn't work for me, I could easily set it up to shine on me while I was working. The great thing about light therapy is that you can use your lightbox while you're doing other things—reading, working, or even watching TV. It doesn't have to be one more thing to worry about!

Light therapy has made a real difference for me. When I'm using my lightbox in the fall/winter, I clearly notice the following benefits:

• I click into my day a lot quicker. I used to feel "out of it" a lot, and I find it much easier to engage.
• I have more energy during the day, and fall asleep easier at night. It helps me regulate my natural sleep cycle.
• I actually get things done on those gray days, instead of slumming around and procrastinating. 
• I'm happier, and more pleasant to be around. This alone makes life easier (and not just for me!)

If you've ever suffered from the winter blues, and certainly if you've ever suffered from full-blown SAD, then I urge you to consider buying a lightbox. I recommend the products made by Northern Light Technologies. The SADelite Desk Lamp is what I use because it's small, but powerful. It costs about $200, and will run for a few seasons without needing replacement bulbs.

If $200 seems like a big investment for a lamp, ask yourself this: how much is my happiness worth? (Not to mention your productivity!)

This winter should be a little easier for me, I hope, because I have a baby on the way who's due in February. That certainly gives me something to look forward to, and I'm thinking she'll be the best medicine for preventing the winter blues! Still, I'm taking precautions and starting every day with my lightbox.

Do you suffer from SAD, or the winter blues? How do you manage it? Have you ever tried light therapy? Tell me about your experiences in the comments!